Piss Fumes- NFL Predictions (Week 2)

jones

Week One Record: 12-3

Season Record: 12-3

Week One best pick: Giants over Redskins, 23-17. (Real result: Giants over Redskins, 23-17)

Week One worst pick: Panthers over Eagles, 33-21. (Real result: Eagles over Panthers, 38-10)

Week One wrongest right pick: Patriots over Bills, 28-10. (Real result: Patriots over Bills, 25-24)

Week One rightest wrong pick: N/A

Week One spray-paint cans used on Leodis McKelvin’s front lawn: 4

Week One game time beverages consumed: 8

Week One blood type: A

Third word in fifth text message in inbox: “I’ll”

Favorite Color: New York.

Need for continued stat lines in this article: N/A

Let’s just get to the picks……

1:00 EST Games:

Minnesota Vikings @ Detroit Lions: 19 straight losses for the Detroit Lions, and they didn’t look like a much improved team in the 45-27 loss against New Orleans in week one. The defense just didn’t show up. The offense, despite somehow getting 27 points, turned it over 3 times and couldn’t crack a run longer than 9 yards. If Mike Bell, for the Saints, was able to get 143 yards on the ground against them……what will they let Adrian Peterson do? I’m expecting Brett Favre to be the game-manager for the second straight week as AP does his thing all day against the Lions. 31-13 Minnesota.

New Orleans Saints @ Philadelphia Eagles: Without Donavan McNabb, the Eagles chances are greatly reduced in this game, and that’s not news to anyone. Philly made a smart move bringing back Jeff Garcia, but they won’t hand him the keys too soon in this one, so we’ll be seeing Kevin Kolb under center. As much as I like to give everyone a chance to surprise us all…I just don’t see much in him. In a game like this, where it could be a game of offensive catch up for Philly, especially if the Saints can show more of what they did last week, I cannot see Kevin Kolb leading the offense in important situations. Unless Brian Westbrook is able to take complete control and single handedly carry Philly to a victory…..I’m seeing New Orleans 28-16.

Cincinnati Bengals @ Green Bay Packers: I know asking the same questions for the past few seasons…but I just can’t help it. What in the world has happened to the Bengals offense? Where’s Carson Palmer? Chad Ocho…who?? Even though it’s only week 2, I’ve already lost all hope in this team for this season, because of that putrid offense. Is it a coaching thing? Are the players just hopeless playing in that city? Or have these guys just lost a step? Anyway you put it though…it doesn’t matter. Even though they lost on a miracle play to the Broncos last week…..the Bengals were shut out for about 58 minutes of that game. They just don’t score points. No points= Loss. Even with Green Bay coming off a less-than-stellar offensive performance against Chicago, I’m taking the Packers single-handedly, 24-10.

Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons: This rivalry always provides close games, and I don’t see this one being much different. Yeah, Jake Delhomme may now have the same credibility as Rex Grossman, but see him recovering in this game and throwing the ball to the guys in white for once. Obviously it’s got to be all about DeAngelo and Jonathan running the football for Carolina, and against the Falcons defense, I see them improving a lot in this game as well. That being said, Atlanta still has the upper edge in this one. If Michael Turner struggles again this week, they can rely on the arm of their quarterback, unlike Carolina. If Delhomme isn’t a train wreck again, it should be close, but either way it’s the Falcons, 27-24.

Arizona Cardinals @ Jacksonville Jaguars: Hot seat game of the week. The Cards really can’t afford to start 0-2, and Kurt Warner needs to show a lot of improvement throwing the ball down the field in this game. When you have guys like Boldin and Fitzgerald flanking you, why does Tim Hightower catch 12 balls? As for Jacksonville, both David Garrard and Jack Del Rio could be out of the job before the end of the season if the Jaguars continue to lose games. Usually when two teams go into games like this, it ends out to be a messy result. Who will get the edge? Well, I don’t like Arizona on the East coast, where they finished 0-5 in the regular season last year. Jaguars 17-13.

Oakland Raiders @ Kansas City Chiefs: Both teams overachieved despite losing last week. The Raiders actually look like they are starting to play some fundamentally sound football again. The Chiefs were able to throw the ball with some good success without Matt Cassel…against the Baltimore Ravens, no less. Cassel returns, and KC is home in this one. I’m seeing a close one, and if the Raiders can get that running game working to it’s full potential, they may be too much for the Chiefs. But I’m feeling red in this one. Chiefs 20-14.

New England Patriots @ New York Jets: Game of the week. This rivalry has been getting really heated over the past couple of seasons, mostly because of Mangini. Well, now with Rex Ryan, I think this rivalry gets even more heated. Ryan’s defensive packages are sure to confuse the Pats offense a few times in this game…it’s happened before, if you recall the ‘07 match-up between the Patriots and Ravens, when Ryan was Baltimore’s defensive play caller. The Ravens were a fledgling team, and the Pats were 12-0…and the Ravens almost won it, because of those defensive looks. Mark Sanchez, if he can do what he did in Houston on 3rd down, will outshine Tom Brady in this game. The Patriots defense has some serious issues that will cost them games this year. Even though he brought his team back and had big numbers, I couldn’t help but to notice some rust on Brady against Buffalo…he barely was able to throw the ball more than 20 yards down the field, and most of his success came with those short passes. Now who’s the king at catching those short passes on the New England offense? Yeah, Welker. And they’re without him in this game. Does anyone else think it’s weird we have 3 California QB’s in the AFC East? Jets at home, 26-21. Upset of the week.

Houston Texans @ Tennessee Titans: Houston never starts the season with any success. The last two seasons have been their bests in franchise history, and they started 1-3 and 0-4 in those seasons respectively. So don’t rule them out yet to be competitive this season. As for Tennessee, if they played smarter in the last couple minutes of the season opener against the Steelers…they would’ve walked away 1-0. Tennessee is still a complete football team. Good passing game, great running game, great defense. Clear cut favorite in this AFC South rivalry. Titans 33-14. Lock of the week.

St. Louis Rams @ Washington Redskins: Well Washington still has the same problems offensively as last season. The play calling is awful, the receivers  can’t get up the field if their paychecks depended on it. As for St. Louis? What isn’t wrong with that team? Even when they made plays in Seattle, they were almost always negated by penalties. We talk about how bad Detroit and Oakland have been the past couple years…but again… 5-28 in their last 33. Marc Bulger just doesn’t exist anymore. Washington, 14-3.

Uh oh….it’s almost game time!! Let’s speed through the late games.

4:00 EST Games

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Buffalo Bills: Football fact of the week: if you knee the ball in the end zone on a kick return without ever leaving the end zone…you get 20 yards for free! Bills 27-17.

Seattle Seahawks @ San Francisco 49ers: Something special is happening for the state of Washington this weekend. Seattle over SoCal, 23-20.

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Chicago Bears: I don’t know who get’s the dunce cap for the Bears after that week one loss to Green Bay…Cutler for the 4 picks, or Lovie for the fake punt call. The Bears have some major issues this year, and they’ll have to deal with them without Brian Urlacher. Steelers 16-6.

Cleveland Browns @ Denver Broncos: Just make sure you direct the tip down, if you’re a Brown defensive back. Broncos 28-17.

Baltimore Ravens @ San Diego Chargers: Won’t be easy for Baltimore to travel all the way to the west coast and put up 500 yards of offense again. Chargers, 20-13.

Sunday Night Football: New York Giants @ Dallas Cowboys: I can’t say the Giants impressed me in the 23-17 win over Washington. They had several chances to blow the game wide open, and they kept giving the Skins more chances, due to their inability to finish offensive drives. As for Dallas, the stadium they play in confirms that football has officially become entertainment. Dallas 27-16.

Monday Night Football: Indianapolis Colts @ Miami Dolphins: Miami were the hunters last season, now they’re the hunted. Indy needs Joseph Addai to wake from his coma, or else Peyton’s career might be shortened a little. A guy can only do so much for so long. Colts, 22-17.

Photo Source: Getty Images

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Tanner Kish

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