SportsFullCircle

Hola!  It’s your amigo, straight from the motherland, R-R-R-Ricky Rubio.
I know there’s been a lot of media coverage surrounding my decision not to play for the Minnesota Timberwolves. I would simply like to, how you say, address these issues with you high school students. After all I myself should be in high school. I feel that I connect better with American teenagers…
Let us start by first clarifying these issues. I’m a 19 year-old boy wonder who was selected by the Timberwolves fifth overall (should have been first). Sure, I have all the talent in the world, but there is one problem: I’m still under contract with my boyhood team DKV Joventut. The buyout clause for this contract is $8.2 million, and the Timberwolves are only able to pay five hundred thousand. Do they expect me to pay over nearly eight million dollars to play on a losing team? You would stay in sunny España too.
Step into my Gucci loafers for a second. In España, I’m idolized. I am the premier heart-throb in the land. I have the pick of any Spanish girl I want, who happen to be far more attractive than the pale fishlike creatures that are Minnesotan women. I’ve been making millions since I was 14.
Bottom line, I don’t need the Timberwolves, or the NBA for that matter. I’m too big for America anyways. When you truly think about it, David Kahn, or as we call him Davey, was far too annoying. Every few weeks he’d show up at one of my lavish apartments and beg me from his hands and knees to play for the Timberpuppies. Once I said no, as I did every time, he rolled on the floor crying saying something about his job and reputation. As if that would faze me! Teen idol Ricky Rubio has no feelings towards anyone under the age of 20.

I mean look at who would be my back-up dancers. Mark Blount, Ryan Gomes, Brian Cardinal, and Kevin Love. I can picture it now: every time I throw a flawless behind the back pass, it would bounce right off their unmanicured fingers.

Furthermore, España is so great that even Chad Ochocinco wants to change his name to a Spanish one. Esteban Ochocinco rolls off my diamond studded tongue far better than Chad Ochocinco.

There is no way I can leave mi mama y mi papa for the cold state of Minnesota and its dysfunctional basketball “team”. Why would I hop aboard that sinking ship? First of all, I might get my gold lined underwear wet. Second of all, it’s not a yacht.
Call me spoiled if you wish, but I asked you this: If I did come to Minnesota, who would do my laundry?

¡Gracías y adíos!

-Ricky

Photo Source: Getty Images